oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
