Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
