Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
