this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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