There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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