You smell like stripper and shame
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Blood and glitter go together right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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