Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
