Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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