apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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