he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
