you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize