i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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