Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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