Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
