she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
