dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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