she kept yelling 'call me bella'
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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