I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
