Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
