She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
