Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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