He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
