He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
