His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
