it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
