Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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