already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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