I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
