Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
