New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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