On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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