This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
