aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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