im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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