Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
accomplished twins. life is a go
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
