After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
