I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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