you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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