Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
