Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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