what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
