Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
