I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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