we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
