I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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