Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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