Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
