I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
