Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
