I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize