how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
