You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
