I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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