Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
