He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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