So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
