I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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