the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
