my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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