you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Farmville is her only friend.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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