I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
